My mom's fuckin' stressed out and I'm so fuckin' stressed out because
my mom's fuckin' stressed out that I wanna
FUCKIN' SCREE EEEAAAAA MMMM!!!!!
FUCK YOU ALL!!!
-thank you.
.
.
.
Perspective.
My mom's running for DPR. More or less that's Indonesia's equivalent of
Congress, for all you non-Indonesian readers reading this (yeah, both
of you:). Her party hasn't received enough votes to earn a seat in her
region, that means that its becoming more and more unlikely that she
will ever work in Senayan. She doesn't say explicitly that she's
disappointed or sad or anything, in fact she smiles and talks a lot,
but her aura of disappointment is so fuckin' thick that it chokes my
very being. Added by the fact that she acts so happy. Its like ESR's
theory of Luxury of Ignorance: its a sin to be so fuckin complicated
not despite of a pretty GUI, but BECAUSE of the pretty GUI. When you're
gonna fuckin kill the party, please at least be frank about it, you
know. I love you mom, I honestly do but sometimes -- despite of all the
freedom that you've given me -- you fuckin' choke me to death. Shit.
Must gain logic. Must achieve balance. Must calm down.
This kinda reminds me of PsyWar. Doesn't it? I mean there's never any
physical or verbal argument. No visible nor audible clashes of opinion.
But its all in my mind. And come to think of it, noones actually
fighting. Its just me getting sad because mom's sad, me getting angry
because mom's angry. Me getting crazy because mom's getting crazy.
Only thing I can do is pray, pray that she prays, and that God gives
her peace, and/or whatever he deems she needs, for her prayers. I
always thought that she's the one closer to Him, but of course I should
remember that doesn't make her superhuman. She's always relied on God
for her troubles, and it has carried her in her career of servitude of
Him. I've tend to always had faith in her, because I have faith in Him,
at least His existence and wrath and justice. My mom's just going
through tough times. She'll be fine. I'll be fine.
Oh, back to PsyWar:), short for Psychological Warfare. Its the act of
conflict where the primary tools of aggression are the creation and
modification of the psycho-social environments among which the
combatants reside. At least by my definition. I just had a thought, you
know, like, I once read about the side effects of PsyWar tactics in
advertising and how the ubiquity of media (that is how its very hard
for us to find a moment of peace when we're not at least passively and
unintentionally listening to a radio or watching a TV or have a
billboard/poster/pamphlet shoved down our throat and into our face, or
the other way around vice versa), and how it has made it very hard for
the common human to have an original thought where decision processes
resulting in the person's opinion is solely his/her own. Mindfuck,
using
AdBuster's terminology.
You know something, Bob James plays nice jazz...
Oh, oh, and listen to Norah Jones man! With the Charlie Huter Quartet!
Damn... So, sooo smooth...
Whatever, thank you for listening to my rant. Oh, and excuse my french:)
Postscript: I just talked to my mom, she seems much better. She was
just kinda dizzy this morning. Thank god:)
More Than This
Charlie Hunter Quartet feat. Norah Jones
from "Songs From the Analog Playground"
Written by Bryan Ferry
2001
I could feel at the time
There was no way of knowing
Fallen leaves in the night
Who can say where they´re blowing
As free as the wind
And hopefully learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning
More than this
There is nothing
Oh more than this
You tell me one thing
More than this
You know there's nothing
It was fun for a while
There was no way of knowing
Like a dream in the night
Who can say where we´re going
No care in the world
And maybe I´m learning
Why the sea on the tide
It has no way of turning
More than this
You know there is nothing
Oh more than this
You tell me one thing
More than this
There is nothing
Nothing
More than this
You know there is nothing
Much more than this
You tell me one thing
More than this
There is nothing
More than...
