I need out of this house; this house is not condusive to thinking. Too many problems and too many people to concern with them. I need to graduate, but my graduation depends on creative inspiration; a very fickle element, often fleeting by when I can least grasp them.

I just got a call from Jono. He and some of my friends have a plan to mother me into complete submission, or at least to the point where I can actually graduate. They have an agreement among them, somewhat known to me, to harras me, for my own good, into actually moving towards a future still hazy in my eyes.

And yet.

I really want a new PC. My mom can't afford one. Or at least won't afford one. I keep getting offers to make money. Its really frustrating when I know I can make the money quick if I put my mind to it, but....

Its been such a long time since my last entry. I've been online often, though, browsing through free software sites (free as in free people, not free beer). I'm considering getting Knoppix, when I should be considering writing my graduation paper outline....

A poem.

I Killed an ant.

I accidentaly crippled it badly while sweeping.

I think I was sweeping it for quite a few meters before I noticed it.

When nearing the trash can I looked at it and remembered:

"When his friends find him, they will kill him..."

Because he can no longer survive.

I crushed it with the tip of my broom.

I thought I felt tears welling up, but I must have been imagining it.

Then I remember me.

I am at a physical age where I should be independent,

yet I still can't carry my own weight.

Probably never will.

I am crippled.

Kembangan, West Jakarta, December 16 2003