The following cartoon by Gapingvoid eerily describes a lot of what I'm feeling right now... and what I'm trying to overcome.
sighted at the Creative Circle Indonesia mailing list:
How to become better copywriter
Its been almost ten years. They say it has always been this, this... convoluted; this messy. Yet they survive. How is it possible?
I had wanted out barely two months after I got in. Yet I was convinced that I can develop, that I can grow and keep up. I stayed.
But I didn't grow up. For six months I didn't grow up. Why?
All these dreams. All the thick idealism.
(I thought I belonged here)
I want out.
How do I get out?
(and whom do I offer to the sacrificial altar?)
(in my place...)
Editor's note: This is a work of fiction. Any similarites to any persons or organisations present, past or future is purely artistic and coincidental.
And its official: I'm leaving the Sacred Bridge!
Damn it feels great that I finally have a clear direction in front of me. I had a little chit-chat with Pak Ranno, assesed my working habits, accepted his trust in my capabilities, and the needs of the Foundation, and together came to the conclusion that although it is possible for me to become organized enough to be a capable communications officer, the Foundation has spent too much time waiting for improvement in my part. Six months at a job is a personal record for me, and one (of the many) advices he gives to me is that I cannot last long at any job unless I get myself more organized in thought. A key component on getting one's mind organized is: focus.
Honestly I do find it sad and really disheartening that I am not organized enough (yet) to be useful to the Sacred Bridge as its Communications Head (my own assessment, which Pak Rano agrees with); but I would be sadder still if I find one day that the Sacred Bridge has a ruined (human, personell, inter-organization) structure due to my incompetent handling of the communications mess. Besides, I'm not really a Communications Officer at heart.
So here I am, officially looking for a replacement, hoping precariously that I will find one before its too late. I will publish a full job description/offer in this here blog reall soon, as time permits.
Oh and to Friends and Prospective Employers at a local Online Media Consultant that have interviewed me for a content writing position: if you're reading this, I just want it to be clear that I'm not leaving the Sacred Bridge because of your job offer; I know that I'm still being considered in comparison with other candidates, and I fully understand that it is (currently) not certain that I will get the content writing job.
But yes, I do hope that I get the job ^_^"
But what if I don't? Then I brush up my writing and keep looking for opportunities to improve it. I'll look for organisations for which the quality, character and speed of my writing is adequate enough that they're willing to give me adequate compensation.
For now I'm a writer. Not the best in the world yet, but I am a writer.
(warning: Not Safe for Work) I'm tired of Sony's bullshit.
So like recently I bought myself a Samsung C140 to replace the dying Nokia 5110 I had been using since I lost my Nokia 2300.
There are a few brand-new Sony Erricson cellphones that are available cheaper in the Indonesian market, and they do tend to have the best price-performance balance at least feature-wise. So naturally quite a few friends have on occations asked me, "so why don't you buy a Sony?"
I would usually begin my answer with, "Ideological reasons.," and they'd ask just exactly what I meant with that and I'd blabber on-and-on with technojargon and people would just get lost.
Well this guy IMHO has a better wrap-up of what exactly is wrong with Sony: "Sony hates their customers."
Its a shame though, how the company that invented the Walkman and the Betamax could become so high-winded and fearful of the open market; how they're so obsessed with lock-in. One would think that bringing in a foreign CEO like Howard Stringer would cause enough cultural change that the company would at least stop fearing their customers and stop demanding that the customer bend to the will of mighty Sony. Well Dude, you're not mighty anymore. D'uh.
'Mighty' Sony didn't come this far, becoming a gigantic multinational company, by being this anathema with their customers, did they? I'd imagine Sony's success in the past to come more from their innovations. Maybe they are dreaming that they can create these must-have electronic toys, and these toys would be so wonderful that no-one would mind if they put in these locks and cages so that once you went with Sony you'll be stuck with them forever amen.
It doesn't work that way anymore. It hasn't worked that way for a long time. How can Sony not realize that vendor lock-in does not work anymore? If you want user loyalty, you gotta begin with building trust. I don't trust you, Sony, and that's why I'm not buying you.
Get me to trust you again. Open up. Then maybe, maybe I'd just consider at least peeking your way again.
God! I'm so tired of being such a nervous wreck. Hookay, Hugging the City, Rhythm Salad, Econo-cultural discussion. What next? ....
I personally find it... annoying that I get tongue-tied sometimes when I try to explain to others what it is exactly that my organization/workplace/whatever does. This is not a good thing, and I've got to fix this ASAP.
[random note:] I'm not sure if I've stated this or not, but I just wanna say that simply put the main function of the mind-Dumpster is as a place where my friends can get a general idea as to how I'm feeling right now. The general public is welcome to read (as is the narcissistic nature of blogs in general) but they would rarely find anything worth reading here.
I feel that working at the SBF is like taking a graduate course on Cultural Activism; complete with its reading requirements, but the reading list is not given to me. I have to find the books myself, somehow.
Luckily the biggest book in the syllabus is the simplest to find : life itself.
(note I said simplest; not easiest)
so God help me I want to resign so bad right now, because things are pretty messed up because I have no idea what I'm doing, but I can't resign because things can only go worse if I quit.
God I wish I could put something more optimistic in here.
Finnished watching the movie, "300", at the office just now... it makes one understand (or at least it helps me to begin to understand), what it means to be a soldier.
What it is to defend your country with honor. What it means to die in glory.
Say whatever you want about heroes being nothing more than dead men. (You may call them fools even, if you like.) But first if you please, may I ask you: can you even possibly comprehend? What it means, to Live?
I must add there are points about division of labour, personal role, dreams, reflection upon my life and career as it currently is, etc., how all these relates to the movie, that I wish to elaborate here. I'll add them at a later time, perhaps.
I don't write intellectually. I write expressively. I don't claim to be accurate, fair or thorough. I don't wanna get stuck on certain topics. Though I sometimes do. But not that often. I'd like to expand. I wanna write more poems. But I'll only upload them if they're good. I only rant about my life's hardships if it will rescue just a little bit of my sanity. I'm saner than I make myself out to be, though.
If I am an OS kernel, and I just had a kernel dump, I'd imagine that the text in this blog is what it would more or less look like.
There. Do you get it?
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sidesection last edited 08/02/2005