iron will

This morning I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't play computer games anymore until I've graduated; I went to my PC to blog up the fact and the moment my Windows desktop came up I double-clicked on the Neverwinter Nights icon.

So here I am after playing for about four hours (short by my standards), stopping because Mom asked me to pick up my sister at school, which (as usual) I interpreted as now but (as usual) Mom actually meant in an hour. But the other more significant (real) reason I stopped is because I fell kinda tired of dying so many times in Charwood forest with my level 9 lawfull-good human monk.

And now after writing this I want to begin playing again immediately. But I think I'll just upload this first. My brother decided to pull the modem out of hiding, but I'm still traumatized in using it (see my last entry). I try to go online only for uploading and downloading small data such as this blog entry and my emails, spending at most about five minutes at a time. When I gotta go online longer I'll do it at my campus WarNets.

I have one and a half weeks to complete my graduation final work paper or I'll be dropped out. I've written nothing and I don't feel worried at all.

Posted at 12:35:03 pm by ferdikom98
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get wired (cd)

In between my short and hurried speed reading sessions on the Web:

Consider downloading The Wired CD [blogs.law.harvard.edu], the first (I think) widely distributed music CD licensed under a creative commons license, featuring works from (among others) the Beastie Boys and David Byrne.

Or at least download it on November 9th, along with Firefox 1.0. Of course you can always look the album up on Kazza or Morpheous; its perfectly legal. For this CD anyway.

You can read a description of the music in the CD here [wired.com] and here [creativecommons.org]. And you can always google for better written reviews. I don't feel like writing my own (yet); I haven't even listened to it yet.

Oh and as for why I have not been publishing lately: my brother took away our family's modem about three days ago because our phone bill passed the Rp 1 million mark (again) :0). My brother's paying for the family's phone bill nowadays.

I'm downloading from Darmanet Margonda, by the way. So I'm paying for my download. At least with a part of my life savings, anyway. Actually the money my mom set aside for my education, that is. Hehe:0)

Posted at 12:48:50 pm by ferdikom98
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Oooohh... goodie, gooodie!

I would like to use this opportunity to thank the good people at the Open Source Initiative (OSI) [opensource.org], especially Russell Nelson and Steve Mallett, for letting me create this button for them:

Open Source promotional button

As quoted in the link above, please link this graphic to the Open Source Definition.

I used the GIMP [gimp.org] to create it (you can download the Windows version from here), using base images from OSI's image bank. To my fellow CG artists: this is a great way to try out Open Source CG apps, since its so easy to get bored of new tools if you don't have any project to use them on. So, how 'bout it, 'No?

Oh, and thanks again:)

Postscript (12/11.04): It suddenly occured to me: Russ, Steve, how did you discover my full name? I mean the only place I can think of where its posted online is at....

Posted at 6:11:50 am by ferdikom98
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A person died a few days ago. A conductor. I hardly knew him. I do wish I did.

. . . .

A few days after my dad died, a few years ago back in high school, I returned to school. A few friends uttered their condolences. In response I told them, "Thanks, but its okay. I know your words are just formalities. Thanks anyway." I guess I said that because I thought experiences as personal as these are always very personal. Noone really knows what a loss means to a person.

And in this short time that I've set aside this morning, as I would try to say something, I can't really think of anything.

. . . .

Except maybe just to say that for what its worth, Pak Prab, you have changed a lot of lives, sir. You have put faith in the talents of persons whose talents have been doubted. And you have pushed persons into creating art; persons who doubt they could create art. And with faith you have lead persons to push art into greatness. And I thank you.

Posted at 8:29:57 am by ferdikom98
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now you see it....

I went to the polls today [news.bbc.co.uk], but not to support a candidate. I went to support the fledgling electoral system, to support the fact that we can have choice, and that someday perhaps we as a society, as a nation, would use that choice with wisdom instead of with emotional whim.

Its not that I frown upon those who chose not to participate in the elections. An opinion that both candidates are not ideal is valid, though subjective, opinion. And if you choose to exercise that opinion by not voting then good for you. And you must admit that the winner this time received his/her victory from popular, emotional vote more than from any other political manuvering.

A more important issue in my mind is the goverment resultant from this election. Promises have been made, promises which should be kept. And each candidate has its weakness. If SBY should win, he would need popular support to maintain a stable administration, and we should beware his authoritarian tendencies. If Mega wins, we must closely watch the potential (or already present) oligarchy forming (or perhaps strengthening), and prepare actions as necessary.

And I do feel sorry that quite a few would still choose not to vote because they don't care and then goes off complaining that they live in a fucking shithole*. I mean Indonesia is definitely not one of the more better off nations, and sneering at the efforts of those who genuinely try to make a difference (albeit perhaps with various motives not necessarily humane) while not providing at least a suggested philosophical direction, a solution, is just... I don't know, why don't you emigrate to the US already?

Let me guess, because you can't afford to? Ever wondered how many people can't afford to move to Jakarta? Or even away from Jakarta back to their home village?

But I digress. I'm not really up for a debate right now. What I want to show you is these three pictures. Hence the title, now you see it...

Now you don't :)

And the murder weapon: vinnegar:) (oh and a little bit of dishwasher soap helped, too)

*postscript clarification: I respect the right not to care, but I consider people who claim they don't care and afterwards damn those who care, labeling them idiots, and putting down any effort they make, and then finally goes on to complain as though they cared, without even once showing how it should have been done, to be simply stupid narrowminded flamebaits who can't make up their minds.

Only those who would fight for their own freedom deserves to have their freedoms to be fought for.

Posted at 7:01:29 pm by ferdikom98
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illegal disclaimer

I was browsing through my bookmarks when I decided to revisit this site [illegal-art.org]. You should visit it using a web browser which doesn't support pop-up blocking; or at least turn it off momentarily.

Good stuff. If only they have a graphical button I could add to my sidebar.... Maybe I'll make one...

While you're at it, you might also find it interesting to visit National Barbie-in-a-Blender Day or freeculture.org. That last link is not as funny as the previous two, but its where I got them. I think. Or did I get them from Wired?

Posted at 1:51:52 am by ferdikom98
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who owns my ideas? me, my publisher, or the public?

Here I present a link [papers.ssrn.com] to a current favorite read of mine entitled "Culture War" by Dan Hunter.

Its a slightly-left-of-center paper outlining the current war between big-monopoly content publishers and the public. It outlines the slightly Marxist ideas of Libertarian lawyers about intelectual property, the Commodity Fetishism of Major-Label, Big-Studio content-industry behemoths, and the current meme-war between the two.

An important read in my opinion, wether you're left, right, center, up, down, whatever. At least if you still think that your ideas are yours to begin with.

A slightly easier to understand, but much longer, document outlining some of these ideas are available here [www.free-culture.cc].

Posted at 8:56:16 am by ferdikom98
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all the universe

I was trying to find lyrics to a song I was listening to on M97 FM Jakarta on my way back from driving my mom to a church meeting, thinking of posting it as inspiration for a retrospective of yesterday's atrocities (more here).

It sounded classic rock (it is, after all, M97), and it had as its refrain something to the effect of "Visaya vijaya, all the universe," and the words "Vietnam" and "Northern Ireland." I was not succesfull.

But what I did found was this link from BBC'S Hitchhikers' Guide to the Universe site which outlined the US' war in Vietnam during the '60s. Quite an interesting read anyway.

Right now "Paint It Black" is playing. But does anyone know the song I was reffering to? Yeah well, whatever. Maybe "Stairway to Heaven" would be appropriate too. In fact, that's what's playing now...

Like dude, what the fuck, man?

Posted at 10:29:33 am by ferdikom98
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I am a 24-year-old little boy.

I pretend to know a lot of things when I don't.

I pretend to be a caring friend when I am not.

I pretend to be a living person while I waste away.

I pretend to belive in Him while I sin.

I pretend to give strength to others while I whine.

I pretend to rise to the occasion when I whimper.

I pretend to be capable of love though I am colder than ice.

And I pretend to be the saddest person in the world...

while many more suffer much worse than I do.




But enough about me. Who cares:) What do I care who cares:)

I wanna eat someone.

Posted at 1:01:17 am by ferdikom98
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Can someone please tell my mom that I can't possibly make it to class at eight in the
morning from home? Can somebody please tell my mom that I can't graduate if I can't
make it to class by eight? Can somebody please tell my mom I cannot graduate witho
ut being treated like a physically twenty-four year old adult? Can somebody please tell
my mom to please let me go? Can somebody please tell my mom that I'm not a kid a
nymore? Can somebody please tell my mom that I can't live anymore if I am still treat
ed like a little child? Can somebody please tell my mom that I actually have a functioni
ng brain that is actually quite capable of making life and death decisions on my own su
rvival? Can somebody please tell my mom that she is killing me by her killing herself e
verytime she sees her little boy leaving the house? Can somebody please tell my mom

Posted at 6:59:09 pm by ferdikom98
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Next Page

I don't write intellectually. I write expressively. I don't claim to be accurate, fair or thorough. I don't wanna get stuck on certain topics. Though I sometimes do. But not that often. I'd like to expand. I wanna write more poems. But I'll only upload them if they're good. I only rant about my life's hardships if it will rescue just a little bit of my sanity. I'm saner than I make myself out to be, though.

If I am an OS kernel, and I just had a kernel dump, I'd imagine that the text in this blog is what it would more or less look like.

There. Do you get it?


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