Entry: Hard to Starboard on the Voyage to Graduation 4/14/2004

She needs to remind me. Not for me but more for herself. I understand her need for recognition, and I understand that she gets justification for her behavior from my own past actions. She has presumptions about how I will act -- which she presumes as irresponsibly, and as never changing -- and she presumes that she needs to remind me lest I never change. And she still thinks I haven't changed from my old four year old childish irresponsible self. Its okay. I completely understand.

But still it hurts like hell. Everytime she twist the knife ever so subtly. How she ask what year it was when I graduated. When she asks me who my thesis guide is. How when I told her 'Mom, can I go to campus tomorrow?' and then she answers, 'Sure, what for? To take care of your thesis?'

All my friends can do all this over and over and I don't feel a thing. Not a single-tingle-subltly-dancing-skin-deep-on-edges bit. But when its Mom... it sure is different.

You know, its easy to ask someone to graduate immediately when that person has been in college as long as I have been. Twenty-fuckin-four years old and still a dependent; cool shit, huh:) Yeah, my fault. Quit my fuckin' whining and start doing somethin'. I know the routine.

I mean, its not like I need money to graduate. There are lotsa ways to graduate without money. Why the fuck should I write something which will require me to get new hardware. I mean, I don't need no stinkin' hardware to turn my box into a Linux box. Of course I need my brother's permission to trash my PC, which means I must find some other more realistic topic to tackle.

But I don't need a Linux box to market Linux. What I gotta get into my head, as my lovely friend would say, is I don't fuckin need to make the software pirates around me -- myself included -- to repent in order to succesfuly market Linux. I mean, I don't even have to fuckin' do anything concrete like that to graduate. I could just propose a creative campaign to be run by a commercial Linux distro/service provider. That's what I should be doing. Just a fuckin' branding campaign, nothing more than smoke and mirrors. And not even as real as that, even. There should be no real-world result required other than a sound campaign to be executed later, if at all.

That's it. Fuckin' A. On to the SWOT analysis.


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